Back when we did our LaCroix Apricot review, written at the request of a Bubbleverse reader, we mentioned that we were actually quite tickled to take review requests, so send away. And then, much to our delight, more requests came in!
But what we didn’t see coming was that all of these review requests would be for…
LaCroix. LaCroix! Color us self-unaware, but we thought this site was calling in fans of boutique, artisanal brands. And yet we have learned that all that you want to see reviews for are the most basic of all things: our prosaic, midwestern 1980’s baby.
You are an intriguing bunch, Bubblenauts.
Although with all of the boutique, artisanal adaptogenic offerings out there, maybe we’ve hit peak boutique and all just need something soothing, simple and 80’s-esque in these trying times.
So please forgive us if you’ve been out there, silently judging us for neglecting this underwhelming (or is it!?) LaCroix staple for too long. We’re here to quench your overly adaptongenized and tiktok-ed souls with something banal and pedestrian: Razz-Cranberry.
We’d like to point out that LaCroix has two raspberry offerings, both of which involve the specific decision to use the double-z “Razzberry,” rather than go with the traditional “rasp”. And these decisions were clearly made recently, because Black Razzberry debuted this summer, and Razz-Cran, the old standby, was actually called Cran-Raspberry up until about two years ago. We don’t know what happened in the branding department over the last few years, but Choices Were Made.
Seems like LaCroix decided to test the waters with “razz” circa late 2019, and then decided to double down in 2021. 2020 was a tough year for all of us, but clearly it was harder on LaCroix.
A quick perusal down Reddit Lane informs us that for the most part, people consider this Razz-Cranberry to be pretty identical to its previous incarnation. Only LaCroix’s spelling of Raspberry got weirder.
The nose on this is a fully embodied raspberry note. There’s a whiff of tartness, which we understand here to represent “cranberry”, but it could just as easily be a raspberry in a younger, less ripe chapter of its fleeting life cycle. You have to use your imagination on that one: close your eyes and envision the bog as you sniff.
We’ll see if they can deliver the cran, or if they’re just gonna razz us. (Zing!)
Well. It’s still mostly raspberry. We have chided LaCroix before for not concocting any specific, solo-berry flavors, instead just giving us vague mish-mashery every time: ideas of berries, but nothing specific or grounded in the 3D. (Subthought: Who knew LaCroix was delivering from the flavor astral?)
But Razz-Cran is actually pretty close to a Raspberry exclusive. This is in the Boylan category of large-and-in-charge fruitiness.
Now, there’s also a noticeable tartness on the tongue, which we still assume must be the “cran” part of all this. But tartness is an attribute that applies to both Cranberry and Raspberry. This isn’t necessarily a cranberry per se.
Maybe when they changed the name from Cran-Raspberry to Razz-Cran they did so to give us all a heads up that this is definitely more Razz than Cran.
Now to be honest, we really like a good Cranberry. It’s a weird flavor for a sparkling water, but we were surprisingly down for Bubly Cranberry, and we really think highly of Good & Gather’s Cranberry Citrus.
We want that specific kind of astringency that comes from a cranberry. Take us to the bog, LaCroix! Especially because as we write this, we are striding into peak fall, and we’d love a little more autumnal splendor in our mouths and less summer-in-the-mosquito-filled-raspberry-bushes.
It’s not that we don’t like this, but we also don’t love it. Maybe this is just what you get when you mix seasons. Or maybe this is the corner LaCroix has unwittingly backed itself into by choosing tart-on-tart flavors to combine.
Either way, if you’re gonna tease us with a double-z razz, we’re gonna expect some of the chaos that you gave us with Black Razzberry, and not some tepid Razz-Razzberry.
But then again, chaos is not what we’re here for this time: we want some of that gently tart midwestern normalcy, gosh darn it! And if that’s what you crave, Razz-Cran can be considered a steadfast, mildly refreshing companion.
Keep the requests coming! 💫
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